


Externality

by riellestate



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol, Bartender AU, Bi Wade, Bottom Peter, Bottom Wade, Caring Wade, Depression, Drug use probably, Drunk Peter, Flirting, Gay Peter, Gwen's dead, Harry and Peter are best friends, Language, M/M, MJ has a one sided crush on Peter, Mercenary Wade, More characters to be added I'm sure, Mourning, Persistent flirting, Peter is a good kid, Peter is defiant and stubborn, Peter is in his early twenties, Peter is poor as hell, Pining, Sick Peter, Slowish build, Some angst, Top Peter, Top Wade, Trying to resist Wade's charm, Wade is Salty, Wade is also kind of an asshole but hey it's Wade! What do you expect, Wade is being a lil desperate, Wade is in his late twenties/early thirties, college Peter, drunk wade, mentions of past relationships/exploits, no powers au, one sided crush, pretty wade, probably a lot of angst, sick May, smut eventually but it shouldn't take thatttt long, sort of enemies to friends to lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-25 01:23:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10753833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riellestate/pseuds/riellestate
Summary: Weasel hires a new bartender as a favor for a friend and Wade finds himself falling all over himself to get a date with the guy





	Externality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I had this idea a couple weeks ago and couldn't get it going, but it just kind of happened last night. Let me know in the comments what you think!

Weasel often said that Wade was a young embodiment of Sister Margaret's clientele, and thus, the establishment itself. A place filled to the brim with booze, drugs, murderers, prostitutes, and a considerable amount of piss and blood - that's where Wade belonged. He didn't know if that was a compliment or not, but he just rolled with it. The other clientele were generally a bit older, but not by much. There were bikers, loners, and mostly just a lot of mercenaries. Okay, _all_ of them were mercenaries or hookers. So what? Wade loved that. He loves his life as much as he hated it. It was the same every night and it would be the same until Weasel finally croaked from liver failure or a heart attack brought on by too much sex. (There are some people who brag about all the sex they have but it's a total lie or at least an exaggeration. Yeah, no, Weasel was a genuine bonafide pussy killer and Wade had no idea how).

 

Not only was Sister Margaret's a great hang out, but it was where Wade got a huge chunk of his jobs. When he started out, he got all of them from here, from those little gold cards, but over the years he's built himself a pretty badass reputation with the name 'Deadpool' tagged onto it, so he's been getting contacted directly for a while now. Sure, it inflated his ego. Okay, by a lot - but still! How cool is that! Being a newbie merc fresh out of special forces and after only a few years getting a reputation with the name ' _Deadpool'_!? Needless to say, it put spring in his step.

 

Yes, this dark dingy bar brought everything he had to him. Well, that and his talents at killing people, but that's a moot point. He met his last girlfriend here, which admittedly didn't work out, but it gave him a pretty good year with her anyway. He got to hang out with his sort of best friend Weasel, who was actually a really shitty friend but he and Wade understood each other and got along on certain levels. Wade loved the familiarity, is what I'm trying to say, people, he really does **.**

  


This is a place where the bad come to be around other bad, so why - I repeat - _why_ was there a god damn beautiful, nerdy, self-contained millennial in a _clean_ flannel and jeans behind the bar? Wade had only been gone for about three weeks this time - off someplace in Japan. He had to unalive some general before he started a war and then, as a side job, killed some celebrity's rapist and bought a ton of anime to add to his collection. It was a fun trip, actually, but now he's home in his awesome shitty bachelor pad, coming to his favorite bar to see his favorite and least favorite people and this… this anti-blemish was here? It was like a face full of zits and there was one patch of perfect, clear skin. It was just weird.

 

The new bartender (Wade assumed he was a bartender from the way he was...tending..the bar) had this messy soft chocolatey hair, glasses covering what Wade could only make out to be brown eyes, and bone structure like a mother fucker. He was slim but not skinny. Sure, he was wearing a loose shirt but that did nothing to hide the muscles wrapped around his shoulders, back, and forearms. Not to mention, and Wade had to lean over the bar a little bit to notice this, but his _ass_ was on fucking fire. Oh _god_ , it was so nice and round, not huge but perky and just _nice_ . Guys or girls, Wade is a butt guy through and through. I think we can all relate to that. All in all, this was just some hot nerdy kid in his favorite dive bar full of murderers. I mean, _what_?

 

Even though he just arrived, Wade sat impatiently at the bar for the new guy to ask for his drink. He was just looking for something to pin on this guy and he hasn't even actually met him yet. Weasel never said anything about him, either. Maybe he did that on purpose because he knew it would fuck with Wade. Either way, this kid wouldn't last and Wade was determined to find flaws.

 

The problem was is that he seemed to be getting along with the other patrons - and by getting along, I mean being friendly but giving them no reason to fuck with him either. He kept his boundaries. What. A. Snob. Why did everyone seem to like him? Even Jeremy was chatting with him. What kind of weird world did Wade just walk into?

 

Was he a cop? No, too young. Maybe Mr.Perfect had a criminal background and couldn't get a job anywhere else? Was he in witness protection or something? What would draw anyone who wasn't a killer or a hooker to this place? Wade gasped to himself as it occurred to him, maybe he's a prostitute? Sure it was unusual to find gentlemen of the night around here, and that didn't explain why he was behind the bar, but it would explain why such a pretty young thing would be around here. Maybe he just didn't know any better than to stay away from this hell hole.

 

"Hey Wade. Ya see Weasel's new bitch?" Some guy who goes by the name 'Mother Fucker' (that wasn't just what people cursed at him, that was his genuine nickname he chose to go by) nudged Wade with a shit eating grin on his face as he walked by him at the bar. His bitch? That _almost_ makes sense, but first off- when did Weasel become gay? He goes to strip clubs all the time and has never remotely shown interest in any men. Second, why didn't he tell his second most sexually fluid friend this fact? And that he _already_ had a boy toy who squeezed a job out of the sorry fucker after just _three weeks_ of Wade being gone? Even gave him a job and everything? This feels like when your dad suddenly gets married to this woman you hate without running it by you first.

 

Not to mention, a part of Wade, a very small part, internally pouted. Even though he hates this kid being here and disrupting his mojo, he is really cute and Wade would love to see that ass up close and personal, but he was with his way less attractive friend (sorry Weas, it's true) already? Maybe he wasn't faithful? Wade would say he'd never do that to Weasel, but Weasel has already done that to Wade in the past, so his revenge was due anyway.

 

Before he knew it, said 'bitch' was standing right in front of Wade, hands on the bar and hand towel hung over his shoulder. "What can I get you?" He wasn't overly friendly but he wasn't a dick either. He meant business, but it was also clear that this kid probably didn't have a damn mean bone in his body.

 

"Scotch. Don't worry about making it look classy, just fill it up." Wade was short with him, and maybe too much so, but the kid seemed to be used to it already.

 

"Cool," he reached under the bar and got a well-abused bottle of scotch, popping some ice cubes at the bottom of a glass and filling it up. "You the guy in the Polaroid?" Peter motioned back to the picture of Wade and Vanessa in Christmas sweaters. He really wished Weasel would take it down, but Weasel seemed to be under the impression that Wade needed _more_ reminders of how bad he fucked up that relationship. And then there was this asshole trying to bring it up even more. The kid was just trying to strike up a conversation, but Wade was too suspicious - too paranoid. It was actually nice that he recognized him from such a small picture on the wall, but it didn't make the situation any less weird or make Wade like him any more.

 

"Yep, the one and only Wade Wilson." Wade swirled the scotch around in his glass and took in the smell. "Who the hell are you?"

 

"Pet-,"  before the kid got a chance to properly reply, Weasel popped up from what Wade later figured was the back room but in the moment could have been from god damn thin air.

 

"Wade, welcome back. After that last Snapchat story, I was worried you wouldn't be coming home." His friend was monotone as ever and low-key cheering on Wade's death. Yeah, they didn't have a _perfect_ friendship, but they made it work.

 

"Yeah well, I have my ways. More importantly - who the balls is this kid?" Wade shot an accusatory finger at Peter as if he wasn't standing _right there_. "You didn't tell me you were into dudes, man. We could have been making so many more memories! So many better ones," Wade spoke with a half fake passion from deep in his chest, making it as emotional as he could.

 

The other man, with shoulder length strawberry blonde hair and a face too old for how old he actually is, just laughed. "I'm not gay, dude. How long have you known me?"

 

"Then what's with this guy?" Peter raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

 

Weasel and the new guy just looked at each other with confused and almost yucked out expressions before turning back to their accuser, "I'm training him. Jesus, Wade. Don't give him nightmares of what could have been." Weasel spoke solemnly and with a dramatic flair, that the idea of being with him would give the younger of the two horrible dreams.

 

Wade just drank as he re-examined the newbie who finally let out a half chuckle, half snort at Weasel's self-deprecating joke. They must have a good report at least. He was definitely younger than the two of them, around college age. Up close his eyes were so…. god, they were so pretty. Like brown, round, big doe eyes that Wade just wanted to stare into forever. And that laugh? It was making Wade forget how offended he was a minute ago. The way his nose scrunched up when he laughed, or the red sprinkling up on his cheeks- okay, no. None of that nonsense.

 

"Wade, Peter. Peter, this is, unfortunately, a regular and my… ugh...best friend." Weas sounded less than enthusiastic. Peter, huh? I guess it uh… it fit him. Kinda cute. Not that Wade like him, but you gotta acknowledge when cute is cute no matter who it is and _this_ kid right here definitely had that going for him.

 

"Good to meet you, I guess? Are you always so testy?" Peter shifted awkwardly, most likely picking up on Wade's 'I hate you' vibes. Weasel snorted at the comment. Peter has only been here for a few weeks but he was already building up his confidence behind the bar - and with the customers.

 

"No, though I have quite a bit of "testiness" about me if you know what I mean. I don't need your judgments, kid, just go make drinks or whatever." Wade waved him off like an asshole, but he was already feeling sheepish, especially under that newfound glare Peter gave him before going to help other customers. Yes the kid just copped an attitude to a guy who spent his last three weeks literally murdering people, but it becoming obvious to Wade that he was the only one who had a problem here, and every minute that went on after hearing his voice and name and staring at his butt was another moment he didn't mind so much. "Since when do you train people?" Weasel stopped training people after one of them robbed the place silly, which was years ago. Weasel wasn't exactly the generous type unless he was in a _really_ good mood.

 

Weasel just shrugged, leaning against the bar on his elbows, "My friend is his friend and he was looking for a new job. He's a student at ESU and takes care of his aunt or something, so bartending interferes with his life the least. Kid is so fucking lucky. I wish I could quit working at this hell hole. He can leave anytime he wants."  

 

"You know you can quit any time, right?"

 

"I can but I can't. It's a love/hate relationship. You know all about those." Weasel loved bringing up Wade's past and failed relationships.

 

"Oh shut up." Wade sipped his scotch, swirling around the ice cubes after. Wade understood bartending as a college job, not that he ever went to college, but there were _tons_ of bars in New York City. What the hell was he doing at _this_ one? Looking so cute and smart and inherently good? Who the hell takes care of their aunts these days?  This wasn't a place for someone like him, this was a place for someone like Wade or Weasel. Two totally different worlds here, clashing and giving Wade heartburn and indigestion, or maybe that was the Mexican food he had before walking over here, but still! It didn't help.

 

"It's nice to have help, though. I'm still training him on handling fights, but eh. He'll get it."

 

"Oh man. Harvey would rip him in half." Wade chuckled, drinking again. This place was filled to the brim with guys twice Peter's size, and Weasel's for that matter, by Weas was already fucked up. No one could do anything to him that Weasel wasn't already expecting or used to. Now Peter? If he didn't play his cards right, he'd be target numero uno, right up on the 'Deadpool' board.

 

"He could, sure, but Pete seems to handle himself. It's mostly been some light teasing. They'll get bored with him soon enough." Wade shrugged. That was entirely too true, but Wade just didn't want anything bad to happen to him before they got bored. Whatever. It wasn't his circus, it was Weasel's. Wade was just a simple circus goer. "You don't like him?"

 

The merc finished up his glass before ordering a row of shots from the bartender he actually knows. He just got back from a tough trip - he was here to both celebrate and unwind, by which I mean get wasted and go home to masturbate. He gave it another thought, his opinion on Peter, "Nope. Too clean to be hanging around here. Messes with the vibe."

 

"You'll get over it. You're just a pussy when it comes to change," Weasel chortled before popping open a beer for himself and Wade. Per tradition, they clanked the stupid bottles together and drank as much as they could in one gulp. They always did this when anything unusual happened or if Wade came home from a long trip.

  
He kept looking over to the student, and the more he saw him interact with everyone, make little mistakes that Weasel helped him with, laugh at jokes or keep an arm's length between him and literally anybody but Weasel, the more Wade didn't mind him so much. Any thoughts after that we're pretty much fuzzed out, and that's exactly what he expected from coming here. Well, mostly. Some things were unexpected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! Please leave comments and kudos if you liked it/have any critiques or whatnot.


End file.
